Jan 20, 2021, London and Washington, D.C.
“Noon GMT. This is the BBC (British B.S. Corporation) afternoon radio report. We’re going live to the press enclosure on the South Lawn of the White House where Our Man In Washington, David Anderson, is reporting live on the developments there. Are you there, David?”
“Yes thank you, London. We’re watching the now departing former President Trump walk across the South Lawn toward the Marine One helicopter with his retinue in tow.
He missed the swearing-in of President Biden on the Mall (largest crowd since Obama’s, verified) due to the presence of some serious Russian looking debt collectors in the VIP stands searching for him.
Now it is complicated listeners because on the other side of the building, at the North Portico the Bidens are just arriving as we speak, so this hand-over is a bit untraditional as it’s a case of “in one door and out the other”. The usual Oval Office hand-over sit-down handshake isn’t happening this year. The Trumps held on until the last moment like turds in a toilet bowl but now the new occupants have arrived. There is even a very funny Australian song about it.
Marine One is scheduled to lift off towards Andrew Airforce Base momentarily where the complimentary Air Force One flight to the (now former) President’s residence is waiting.
And there’s Mr. Trump!…. climbing the stairs of the helicopter. Following him is accomplice Melania who was an Eastern European made blow-up sex doll until she married Mr. Trump who turned her into a real celebrity.
If you recall in 2016 she was promoted by the GOP and Faux Noos as speaking “five or six languages” but it turned out she barely even speaks English and I don’t speak Slovenian so I can’t judge her fluency there. She is made entirely of wax and botox. Due to her working here illegally in the 1990s the DHS – Immigration Division, apparently wants to talk to her. She is joined by her “chain migration” Slovenian parents.
Behind them are Trump sons Uday and Qusay, looking forward to tormenting the American people for decades to come with a series of humiliating and no doubt failed runs for President themselves. Lots of laughs ahead, then. They’ll do that after the promised panda bear trophy hunt in Beijing Zoo which President Xi arranged in return for their Dad’s folding on our trade disputes.
Now sashays Ivanka! — she has magical powers – and her boy-man child Jarred whose plans include losing even more billions on brainless NY real estate deals and buying dying print newspapers. And of course: Olympic standard slum-lording, foreclosing on poor people.
Behind “Javanka” is CIA Director Pompous Piggy Pompeo eating an entire leg of ham, no… actually that’s part of William Barr’s thigh he’s chewing on. This is indeed an historic day.
Also interesting is who is not here to see off the president or grab the departing chopper like it’s Saigon 1975. For instance, Thurston and Lovey Mnuchin were seen jetting out of Dulles Airport on a government plane this morning to Switzerland, interestingly just before an enquiry was announced as to a $2 billion in unmarked cash “accounting loss error” at the US Mint. Curious, that.
HUDD Secretary Dr. Ben Carson was supposed to be here but lost his luggage – again – and is still off looking for it.
The rest are mainly in jail with some reclused in shame and gone to ground in parts unknown, likely beyond extradition jurisdiction and the rest are pretending they had nothing to do with the whole four years.
Oh and look! It’s the Pences: V.P. Mike and Mother, kneeling and praying to their imaginary god, presumably for forgiveness …or a ride out? But there’s no room on the helicopter for you good Chriiistian folks, apparently, and wait till they learn there is no god too. Boy will they be steamed!
Next to the Pences we can just see Trump’s “spiritual advisor” Paula White running in circles and jabbering in tongues. Her accomplice over there looks like that maniac Kenneth Copeland who is LAUGHING in tongues – a bizarre and terrifying scene. This is quite the freak show, London, I say what. Ahh…America will miss the “Faith Community” in charge.
I guess with the changeover the whole bonkers train of gewgaw hawkers, Jesus maniacs, thieves, con-men, faith healers and weirdos is pulling out of the station finally.
And speaking of weirdos, there’s “America’s Mayor” Rudi G. running in a strange, lurching zig zag pattern after the line for the helicopter. What’s a Golf Course Drunk to do without a golf course? Well, we have our answer: run desperately towards Marine One. “TAKE MEEEE!” he is screaming, vomiting on Piggy Pompeo who is now eating up Rudi’s vomit. Oh dear. Quite an inelegant send-off, London, quite. Bad luck for Rudy too, he’s not going anywhere as a Secret Service agent just punched him in the face.
They’re all filing across the hallowed South Lawn and Marine One is firing up now.
It is like Nixon in 1975 except Trump is flashing that shit-eating grin as he “thumbs up” to the brain-damaged MAGA deplorables whooping and hollering it up on the other side of the “Big Beautiful Wall” that Trump did indeed build – around the White House perimeter.
Reports of stolen White House silverware clinking in Javanka’s Loius Vuiton bags may or may not be true, but the real grift was never in the hotels or the branding, it was in quiet nominee shell corps and cutout investors using options trading on inside government information, information that moves the markets and made everybody in that swamp incredibly rich. It was corruption elevated to high art.
Marine One is taking off now – up into the clear blue winter sky, off to Mar a Lago via Andrews and whatever new grifts this crime family has in store.
Back to you, London.”